What in the Internet World Is Cyber Monday Anyways? A Guide

Tomorrow is Monday, but not just any regular old Monday, it's Cyber Monday. No that's not a Monday to spend all day at work cyber sexing with strangers on the Internet. Did you really think that's what it was? Ugh, explaining the Internet is so hard.

Here's a helpful guide so you don't get lost on the way to the web store.

What the hell is cyber monday anyways?

Glad you asked! Remember three days ago when people lined up outside of big box stores trying to get some cheap TV's?

Yeah.

Well that's going to happen again! But this time it's going to be on the Internet.

When did this whole thing start?

The first mention of Cyber Monday was in 2005. Since then, business has expanded a lot, even though it still pales in comparison to the IRL version of itself, Black Friday.

All of those people got trampled on in Walmart. Does that happen on the Internet?

No, that's why Cyber Monday is kind of awesome. You can't really screw this thing up. Unless Reddit decides to do a 2-for-1 sale on Creepshots or something.

Well am I going to be the only one doing this? Holiday shopping isn't the same unless you're fighting over toys like in Jingle All The Way.

Nope. 122 million Americans are expected to shop online this year.

Sweet. Well how much are people going to spend this year?

ComScore, a shopping research firm, expects that Americans will spend $1.5 billion this year.

Wow, that's a lot of people buying things that they don't need. What should I get?

According to The Today Show (that's always a fun thing to say), Walmart is selling a 55-inch LED Smart 3-D HDTV for $1,498, which will save you $1,000. That's a pretty legit deal.

Hmm, well I live in a tiny apartment. I don't think a 55-inch seizure inducing personal movie theater is for me. Got anything else?

Per the same article, "Kmart is slashing the price of diamond earrings by 75 percent." Get your Kmart diamond earrings y'all. Ahem, and we do have a gift guide if you're interested in that.

Rad. Well what should I do to get ready for this thing?

Browse the websites of your favorite stores, make sure your credit cards aren't maxed out from your excessive Black Friday spending, and stretch out your fingers — you'll be clicking a lot.

Shouldn't I stop shopping already? I've been doing it for three days straight.

We are a capitalist nation. Deal with it.

True. Okay, but why the name Cyber Monday? Isn't it a little outdated.

Cyber is in fact the dorkiest word of all time. The only name that would be worse would be Surf The Net Monday. They should really rebrand this damn thing already.

[Image via Shutterstock/Helder Almeida]