Lifetime premiered its Taylor/Burton biopic, Liz & Dick, last night. It was highly anticipated because Lindsay Lohan starred as Elizabeth Taylor and schadenfreude is the marijuana of the masses. So we all went on Twitter and giggled our way through it (not terrible enough, my ass). The film delivered precisely zero insight into the strange, twisted saga of the Hollywood royalty involved. They joke broke up and got back together a lot and she breathed heavily and threw things. Grant Bowler, who played Richard Burton, got most of the straightforwardly campy lines (he talked about the "ocean inside" Taylor), but Lohan's amusingly horrific acting made up for Christopher Monger's bland script.

The thing people say about Lindsay Lohan — "She's such a great actress, it's such a shame that she's fucking her life up" — seems more wrong than ever. She didn't have a lot to work with, but her delivery was often parody-of-community-theater bad. I'm talking Catherine O'Hara in Waiting for Guffman bad. I could have put together 30 minutes of her flat line readings, but instead the video above focuses on her wordless acting, which found her at her most ridiculous. Cue the sighs.

Liz & Dick was such an event, though, that if Lohan were to do crappy, stunty roles like this regularly, she'd have something close to a career back. Might as well use the fame for something, you know?