Guy Steals Tim Allen's "Hot Guy" Car, Claims to Be Allen's SonS

For starters, Tim Allen's favorite car isn't a Porsche or a Jay Leno-ish vintage ride; no, it's a souped up 1996 Chevy Impala, which, according to Allen's website (totally worth a visit, by the way), "holds a DOHC 32-valve Corvette ZR1 engine and delivers 446 hp at 5500 rpm." I don't know what that means, but it sounds fast and loud. Also of note: "The rear also includes a "Binford 6100" badge. (Binford is the hypothetical tool manufacturer from Home Improvement's "Tool Time" show.)"

Allen loves this car so much he drove it to the People's Choice Awards and gave it a shout out while accepting an award.

"I got my two customized Impala's out there instead of a limousine. I'm a hot guy," Allen said.

However, the hot guy's favorite ride was recently stolen from his Los Angeles garage, which, weirdly and somewhat implausibly, could lead to the public disclosure that Allen has a secret son.

34-year-old Faustino Ibarra faces charges for stealing the Impala after his family found it parked outside their Denver home and called the police. Ibarra had an excuse, though, which he told to Fox 31 Denver.

"It's a priceless vehicle." Ibarra said to Fox 31 Denver's Justin Joseph in an exclusive jailhouse interview. "I`m trying to make it simple for you to understand. I didn't break into (Allen's) garage. He left the door open and he left me the keys so I could get the car and take it to Denver."

"You obviously know this is Tim Allen`s car?" asked reporter Justin Joseph.

"He's my dad," said Ibarra.

Naturally, Fox 31's reporter had some concerns about Ibarra's claims.

"What you say sounds a little crazy." Joseph said.

True. That does sound crazy. But Allen is originally from Denver, and he never reported the car stolen, so maybe Ibarra is telling the truth?

Regardless, two things are certain: 1) Tim Allen is a super cool rich bro. 2) Tim Allen has a weird section on his website devoted to his diary - sample line, from the post titled "Class Warfare": "Trying to define a social program as a business or act like ‘for profit' enterprises are doing a disservice to all involved." Also this, from a post titled "TO THE BUILDER":

To the builder, I address you. As travails enter a life, we never can see it coming. Your river runs deep and runs fast and we are so unaware, unable or not allowed to see where we go and what we will hit. I will contend that the bends and current we sense but the debris and the collisions are his work. Or do dare I complain? Free will, oh yes he whispers, it's free will he contends. But what of the wake we feel? And what of that debris and the results of sudden impact on my soft flesh? That is his will colliding with mine. I was just standing there I say? You sent the trees and the rocks and the current. Whose free will is that, sir? I feel your silence, unable to understand your breath, your wind, your expression because I live in them.

Hilarious jokes, Tim!

Anyway, Fox 31 wasn't able to find any records showing Allen had adopted Ibarra, and the "Tool Time" star's reps didn't return their calls.

[Image via AP]