Singer-not-rapper Chris Brown is on the cover of XXL's December/January issue, because everyone in the hip-hop industry is obligated to embrace Brown with open arms because he will make them a bunch of money. Last weekend, Brown managed to out-awful awful Twitter comedian Jenny Johnson by saying, amongst other things, that he was going to shit on her retina per his mom's orders. This latest outburst of violent threats from Brown once again turned the spotlight on his rage issues, unrepentance for having viciously beat Rihanna and general horribleness.
In response, Brown deactivated his Twitter account and has stayed out of the public spotlight. All of which makes some of the quotes he gave to XXL retroactively hilarious. Get a load of this complete nonsense.
"In the beginning, I used to be hot. I'm normal. I'm human, so if anybody says something that's a lie, I'm numb to it. I've smartened up."
Haha, sure. Totally numb. When people talk shit about Chris Brown, he just lays back on his bed, closes his eyes, turns on Rihanna's new song "Numb" and just escapes from the world.
"I haven't been as mature and thought out in the past, so, me growing now, it's showing my progression. I used to use my Twitter account to vent, but now I mostly use it for marketing and promotions. Even if the media asks me something, if it's cool then it's, ‘What's up?' But if it's anything that's too negative, I don't care to respond."
Yeah, you know, just marketing and promotions, like promoting his mom's wishes for him to "shart" in someone's mouth (I guess Chris Brown and I have different interpretations of sharting). Real chill stuff, no big deal. He's a new guy, strictly positive.
"I use music or painting as my outlet to get through the confusion. I try to promote positivity and love."
Promoting just positivity and love, that's it. Also hilariously childish reactions to people that he doesn't even know. Just depends on the day, really. Sometimes Chris Brown's a painter, working through life's struggles thanks to the serenity of art. Other days he's a fifth grader who just learned a cool new slang word for shitting.
Anyway, that issue of XXL is on sale Dec. 4 for anyone that has a burning desire to be blatantly lied to by Chris Brown.
[via XXL, image via Getty]