What Should We Re-Name Joe Jonas' Girlfriend, Whose Name is Already 'Blanda Eggenschwiler'?

Every once in a while, a name comes a long that is so fake, so not-real, so obviously made up, that you literally cannot fathom an alternate universe in which it might ever exist.

Sometimes that name belongs to a Bond Girl. Sometimes it is an nontraditional variation of the name "Kate." Sometimes it is Joe Jonas' new girlfriend:

Blanda Eggenschwiler

"Hello, my name is Blanda Eggenschwiler. This is my boyfriend, Joe Jonas."

"Hello, I would like to order a birthday cake for myself. I would like the cake to read 'Happy Birthday, Blanda Eggenschwiler.'

"Blanda Eggenschwiler residence."

If you were going to date Joe Jonas but didn't want any of your friends from high school to find out about it, what name would you give yourself? Or, if you were Joe Jonas and wanted everyone to think you were dating and romantically interested in a female human, what name would you give her?

I'll start: Justa Reglargurl.

(If you're curious, the Daily Mail has pictures of former model Blanda Eggenschwiler, who is as beautiful as her name is imaginary.)

[h/t Richard Lawson at The Atlantic // Image via AP]