This ridiculous person is a cast member of TLC's Real Houswives rip-off Sin City Rules, which premiered last night. I prefer Real Housewives rip-offs to the actual thing because they manage to be even more visibly pretentious and lower-rent. Through lies come honesty.

Though Sin City Rules is of the throw-a-bunch-of-women-together-to-argue medium, its treatment of Lana Fuchs is straight up TLC weirdo territory. Through her edited self-description, we learned:

  • She thinks she's God and lets us know by saying, "I am God," more than once.
  • She counts dwarfs as members of her entourage.
  • She likes guns so much that she has shooting parties. This stems from when she was 5 and her dad put a gun in her hand and said, "Shoot."
  • She eats raw lamb.
  • She eats raw bacon.
  • She may drink blood.
  • She is Ukrainian.

She is also excellent at drumming up publicity — she made recent media rounds because she believes in rewarding her child for good grades, which sounds kind of standard to me? You should look at her T-shirts, too. My favorite is Humpalot. Another says, "I am God." I wonder if she said that and then made the T-shirt or she's saying it to promote the T-shirt. Real chicken/egg/God debate kinda stuff.

Lana's main adversary, by the way, is an entertainment reporter named Alicia. "Las Vegas is definitely a who-knows-who kind of town. So if you know the right people, you get the story first and you have all the right information, you have all the power," says Alicia. Her companion during that scene is none other than the illustrious Louie Anderson. This show is an utter mess. Couldn't be better if it were actually good.