Happy Tuesday. How are you doing? Lindsay Lohan's fabulous, having a cool time and making a lot of neat decisions. Classic Lindsay stuff.
Right now, it would appear that Lindsay Lohan is in (or on her way to) London. She followed her "boyfriend," Max George of The Wanted, there. Max George is the boy over whose attentions Lohan allegedly punched a non-gypsy psychic in da club.
Were you ever friends with someone—maybe when you were in elementary school or right as your career was blowing up and hers was spinning all around the room like a rapidly deflating balloon, knocking into the walls an ceiling before falling with a limp *flup* on a pile of schlocky Lifetime movies—who embarrassed you? Maybe you told that person something like "Sure, we're friends. We're just secret friends. It's better than regular friends because our friendship is a secret that we share." Maybe your friend said "Like coke?" And maybe you said "Yeah, like that, listen I gotta go and DON'T tell anyone we're friends."
Lindsay and Max are kind of like that.
On Saturday, Lindsay tagged Max in a picture she tweeted of Max's ugly sweatshirt. She added the caption "Missing something?"
Did Max give the shirt to her? Did he accidentally leave it behind? Did she steal it in a fun game they play sometimes called "I Steal Your Clothes, Max?" Unclear.
In response, Max tagged Lindsay in a post that said "I miss you so much and cherish your affection." Just kidding. He retweeted a picture of an anonymous girl's bare breasts from the Twitter account "RateMyKnockers." (Link NSFW; Knockers: 9/10)
Then yesterday, Lohan tweeted a message of love for the U.K., where she is rumored to once again be following The Wanted on tour.
"I'm a total 'band-aid,'" she growls with a husky laugh, stuffing some miniature Red Bulls from the dressing room rider into her pocketbook (one in her boot). "You guys have seen Almost Famous right? Some people think I look like Kate Hudson, I don't know, what do you guys think? Heh heh I guess I do a little bit."
"Max," his bandmates whisper, "When is your cousin going home?"
Back in L.A. ("More like hell-ay, right? Heh heh" "Max, your cousin is in my bathroom again"), Lindsay's lawyer is due to appear in court tomorrow over the charges she incurred from her June car accident.
Lohan is not required to appear in person because the charges against her (willingly resisting, obstructing, or delaying an officer in the course of their duties; providing false information to an officer; reckless driving) are only misdemeanors.
You could almost say that, if anything, Lindsay was pretty much required to go to Dubai with a boy who is only friends with her in secret. However, that reading of the situation is incorrect.
Meanwhile, in an upcoming interview with Entertainment Tonight Lindsay Lohan's life choreographer Charlie Sheen, casually mentions that Lohan has yet to thank him for giving her $100,000 to help with her crushing tax debt.
"I'm still waiting for a text to say 'thank you.' Anything. Anything, you know? C'mon, Linds."
Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan is busy LIVING HER LIFE right now but she will get back to you okay? Jesus. Everybody wants something. #YOLOLiLO