It often seems as if people save all their most obnoxious and excruciating conversations for public transit, just to make sure the pain is spread to more of their fellow humans. So imagine if every conversation that occurred on public transit was recorded: What twisted portrait of humanity would be produced? We may now learn, as an increasing number of cities are installing audio surveillance systems on their bus systems.
Accoding to The Daily: "Government officials are quietly installing sophisticated audio surveillance systems on public buses across the country to eavesdrop on passengers." They even have noise dampeners to pick out conversations among the enormous farts that are the public bus' ambient noise. So now every racist rant and brutal smack down will be preserved for posterity. Pity the poor public safety officers in charge of reviewing these tapes. It will be like the horrific hell scene from Event Horizon 24/7.
Here are the cities that have begun to try to get microphones on buses, from The Daily: San Francisco, California; Eugene, Oregon; Traverse City, Michigan; Columbus, Ohio; Baltimore Maryland; Hartford, Connecticut; and Athens, Georgia. So if you live or travel to any of those cities be sure to plan all your terrorism in the privacy of your own home.
To give you a sample of the kinds of vital intelligence that will be picked up on buses, here is the last conversation I overheard on a bus: A couple of bros next to me were talking about going home for Thanksgiving. They were chatting about the pluses and minuses of a family thanksgiving when one of the guys gets a little sad and goes, "Now, dude, don't judge me but Thanksgiving is such an awesome party that sometimes I'm kind of bummed it doesn't end with fucking. You know, you have this amazing meal, you drink a lot—it just seems like it should end with sex."
"Dude, no." replied his friend. "Just, no."