Nick Cannon was on Howard Stern's Sirius show today, so of course he was talking about weird shit and of course it concerned his favorite topic, his wife Mariah Carey. That's sweet and undoubtedly key to getting along with her (you know how much she loves her lambs), but it's rare to hear so much revealed about a woman of such stature via her husband. Every interview yields a new Mariah anecdote. (Fun fact: He once confirmed to me that she will remind him that she's the biggest-selling female recording artist of all time in order to win an argument.)
Today's fun fact is that sometimes he and MC have sex to her music. Also, he masturbates to her music. His favorite song to do it to is the 1993 pre-hip-hop-Mariah treacle anthem, "Hero." He's doing it wrong. Plenty of Mariah's music could be used as a martial aid. Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel's "The Impossible" and Rainbow's "Bliss" are straight-up sex jams. "Shake It Off" was made for bouncing to. She's got hip-hop and house, depending on your taste in tempo. Hell, Butterfly is a quiet-storm album. Put it on, let it ride, do the same.
"Hero," on the other hand, is her least sexy song next to "Someday." It is as sexy as straight bangs and curly hair, dresses ashamed of the cleavage they might produce, Celine Dion's toenails.
That said, I will give him its status as an anthem of self-love. Its first lines — "There's a hero if you look inside your heart / You don't have to be afraid of what you are" — could, I suppose, encourage someone to masturbate (if he or she felt a little guilty about wanting to). And also, there's the whole, "And then a hero comes along," thing. Maybe you could interpret the "comes" as "cums." If you really want to.
Or, maybe the case is that when he is alone and randy, Nick Cannon likes to return to the days when he was 13 fantasizing about Mariah Carey. He still can't believe he got to marry her. It's kind of adorable, as long as you don't spend too much time thinking about Nick Cannon masturbating.
The interview clip is here:
[Image via Getty]