Last Sunday, officials at JFK International Airport arrested a woman for allegedly trying to smuggle over seven pounds of cocaine inside Toblerone chocolate bars and boxes.
Let's get some things straight.
Putting cocaine inside a Toblerone prism is like preparing a savory taco and filling the tortilla with only shredded lettuce.
It's like buying a silver picture frame and asking guests if they like your photo of "7 in x 5 in quality sterling picture frame."
It's like putting a single troll doll inside a carved mahogany trophy case.
There's nothing you can put inside the Toblerone box that will be better or more valuable than the Toblerone that was already inside the box, unless you somehow manage to fit part of another Toblerone inside the box.
The New York Post reports that 22-year-old Ebony Gray walked right off a muted color palette and onto a Caribbean Airlines jet in Trinidad with the goods (BADS, more like), stuffed into a "bulging" duty free bag.
Unfortunately for her, everyone in New York is a chocolate monster who loves expensive things. Customs officials could not let her Toblerone stash pass by without "inspecting it" very, very closely, like a parent checking to see if your Milky Ways taste like razors on Halloween.
But when they opened Gray's foil-wrapped bars, the customs officials saw, to their horror, that the luxury Swiss chocolate had turned to dust. No, wait, cocaine. The chocolate had turned into cocaine! Or rather, the chocolate had been replaced with cocaine, allegedly by Ebony Gray.
The Post writes that some of the boxes contained "foil-wrapped solid sticks of packed cocaine," while others featured "what looked like coke stuffed into other chocolate bars" (some people really have no idea what a hazelnut looks like, #smh).
Gray, who has obviously never known the natural high of compulsive-buying a Toblerone at the checkout counter, was arraigned on charges of drug-smuggling and released after posting $50,000 bond.