Women. Always putting make-up on their face skin and designer sunglasses in their purses without paying for them. And no one is better at (allegedly) combining the two than Sarah Jessica Parker's personal makeup artist Leslie Lopez.
Last week, TMZ reported that Lopez was detained by police in Oslo, after she reportedly shoplifted a pair of expensive shades from an airport shop. After paying a fine of $1400 on the spot, she was released and allowed to board her plane (which had been delayed an hour in order to accommodate the alleged thievery).
The next day, the website reported that earlier in Parker's trip to Norway, Lopez had been implicated in another theft; this time of a tube of lipstick from a luxury goods store in Oslo.
Word of this second incident transformed Lopez from your flighty friend who leaves the Sunglass Hut wearing a pair of Oakleys on her head into international bandit Carmen Sandiego.
Lopez maintains that the repeated theft of Norway's national treasures was unintentional – a happy accident in which she received free lipstick that she wanted.
While you make up your mind about her professed innocence, here are some tips to help you make up your face (and alibi), courtesy of the artiste:
1. Stick to the Shadows: Move Through a Crime Scene Undetected and Create the Perfect Smokey Eye
Surveillance footage from the makeup store apparently shows Lopez opening a container of lipstick as she moves across the sales floor, then leaving the empty box on a counter as she continues walking. (To be fair, while it's clear in the video that a human is performing some kind of verb, it's a little tough to fill in the crime scene madlib from the grainy footage.) Lopez's mistake was that she (allegedly) unwrapped the lipstick in a well-lit part of the store. It's much more difficult to see what she's doing at the beginning of the video, when she's hovering in the shadowy area between displays.
To create a fresh and sophisticated look to complement "the old Hollywood glamour" of Kate Hudson's Toronto International Film Festival dress, Lopez swept shimmering nude eye shadow across Hudson's lids, and then blended it with a darker beige at the cease to create definition. Because Kate Hudson is an Almay spokesperson, Lopez says she used Almay Wake-up Eyeliner and Highlighter in Black Jolt/Iced Gold to perfect the look, but probably she used something more expensive.
2. Fake Tears, Bright Eyes: Lube The Emotions of Everyone Around You
A crucial element of Lopez's defense is that she stole all those things she liked and wanted by accident. In the event you're ever caught "accidentally" shoplifting (or, more accurately, accidentally caught shoplifting), don't get mad: get sad. If you're a bad fake crier, keep some eyedrops you accidentally stole in the purse you accidentally stole, and drop a few under your eyes the next time you're confronted by a policeman.
"Use lubricating eyedrops to instantly brighten eyes," advises Lopez. "Then curl your lashes."
3. A Makeup Bag Full of Secret Weapons
Makeup can be used in so many nefarious ways, it's amazing stores are allowed to sell it over-the-counter. Is that an eyeliner pencil, or a tool for copying down strangers' PINs on your hand? Are your lips flushed from sexual arousal or are you wearing crushed-up cochineal bug paste on your mouth? Is that a moisturizing foundation or a treatment?
"This is my secret weapon," said Lopez, of Dr. Brandt's Pores No More pore refiner in Hint of Tint. "[I]t's a moisturizing foundation and a treatment!"
4. Sculpt a Hidey Hole Inside Your Cheeks
Lopez sys that the alleged sunglasses theft was all a big misunderstanding that occurred when she forgot to take a pair of sunglasses out of her cart "while rushing to the gate" (I guess she was accidentally stealing the cart as well?).
While it's easy to spot stolen merchandise in a cart, it's much more difficult to spot on your person—and more difficult still to spot inside your person. The next time you are pilfering a small item, try hiding it in one of your body's cavities – either natural or manmade.
Lopez's recipe for sculpted cheeks involves quite a bit of bronzer.
[TMZ // Image via Getty]