Christmas Eve is a time to be spent in the company of your loving family — unless like me, for instance, you're a Jew who lives halfway across the country and instead went to see "Lincoln" alone (wow, was that movie long!). Or if, say, you spent Christmas Eve in prison like all of these people.
- Europe does not fuck around when it comes to insane arrests. Last night in Amsterdam, a British man broke into the airport there, stole a car and drove it down the runway before being arrested. Police say that the man was "headed to Britain," which makes plenty of sense but also no sense whatsoever. The lesson here is that nothing good can come of the phrase "last night in Amsterdam" unless it's appended to "we smoked a bunch of weed and ate food all night."
- John Robert Stocki of Burlington, Mass. really likes robbing banks. He likes robbing banks so much that he was arrested on Christmas Eve for robbing a Brookline Bank on Dec. 20 while out on bail after being arrested for jacking a Bank of America in October. I guess everyone needs to find their passion.
- Man, Davao City in the Philippines is run by some real fun-haters. Last night, 32 people were arrested for violating the city's firecracker ban, including 26 minors. This sounds like a complete waste of time from everyone's standpoint, from the people arrested to those that had to bail them out of jail to the cops working on Christmas Eve arresting people for shooting fireworks. Davao City, more like Davao... shitty, am I right? Anyway, don't move to there.
- Donna Emerson and her daughter Valerie Emerson-Allen are the kinda family members you can count on — the ones who will bring you drugs in jail. The two were arrested in Pennsylvania last night after bringing Bradley Allen some Suboxone strips as he awaits transfer in the Allegany County jail. Allen is locked up for selling drugs and it appears that was his motive here — as a bonus, the two Emersons were charged with endangering the welfare of a child because they brought a 1-year old to the prison on the day that they slipped the Suboxone to Allen.
- Well, Oscar Santos of Long Island is a horrible person with some rage issues. Santos was driving yesterday when he saw his ex-girlfriend walking with another man, so he did what any completely insane person would do: he backed his car up and ran them over. Once that was done, he then got out of the car and started kicking the other man. His ex was taken to the hospital for a broken ankle and the other guy sprained his knees. Santos is now in jail where he should probably stay for the rest of time.
- Some people might frown on others for trying to rip-off a Walmart, but let's remember these four Walmart employees in Buffalo as folk heroes. They were running a scam where they would "under-scan" merchandise to let their friends slip out of the store with free stuff or they would activate gift cards and keep them while swapping them out with unactivated cards. Of course, trying to rip-off a Walmart or any huge store will eventually lead to a quick arrest, but oh well. Keep on fighting the good fight, you guys.
- A couple in Melbourne was nabbed for stealing a shitzu puppy from a Pets Paradise on Dec. 16 which doesn't seem all that bad in the long run, especially for the puppy. It's name was Buddy but police re-named it Precious, and it spent Christmas Eve at the home of an officer while police figure out what to do with it. Beats a cage in a pet store!
- In New England, William Eldred and Joseph Haywood didn't have enough money to buy beer, so they returned to a convenience store and robbed it while also shooting a customer in the chest with a pellet gun.
[via Google News, image via Shutterstock]