Man in Queens Offering 'Rare' Poster for Two-Hour Massage and EnemaS

It is for moments like this one that the word "wacky" was created. A man in Queens has an offer he would like the students among you to consider (with thanks to reader Lindsey G., who is keen-eyed and true.):

i am a mature male with mild osteoarthritis and i am willing to swap this rare 1950s poster for a nice 2 hour massage and internal cleansing. this would make a fantastic christmas gift for someone! have other things for swap as well so this could be a steady thing. ideal situation for student who is learning. if interested please email your contact info and the best time to call. thank you kindly.

What is perhaps the most telling aspect of this ad is that it was posted yesterday, the 29th of December, but suggests that the poster would make a "fantastic" Christmas present. This means one of two things: either the poor man is desperately confused, or his mind is so razor-sharp that he is already planning out next year's Christmas gift-giving strategy. Both possibilities are terrifying.

Another detail to note is that the picture appears to be a generic version of this decidedly not-rare image. Before offering two hours of your time, eager young masseuses and colon hydrotherapists (are the two hours inclusive of the enema, do you think, or is that separate?), ask for a picture of the poster itself (is it at least framed? Is it damaged in any way? Is it really from the 1950s?), preferably with a copy of today's newspaper within the shot for verification.

Alternately, of course, that same image is already available in T-shirt form for $13.99. Should your sexy art interests lie elsewhere, consider purchasing this pair of "horny cats," also available on Craigslist (they are drawings of cats with penises).

For what it's worth, New York residents suffering from osteoarthritis may qualify for disability benefits and free or reduced-cost physical therapy, which includes heat treatments, massage, anti-inflammatory drugs, and traction. No need to sell beloved objets d'art in order to find pain relief.