Esquire and ESPN Magazine writer Chris Jones—winner of both a National Magazine Award (though not as many as he believes he deserves) and a Gawker Least Important Writers award—has long been known as that guy. That guy who, despite having one of the more enviable writing jobs in journalism, would wail about not winning an award. That guy who would launch soul-pained howls against the merest online insult. That guy whose Twitter bio said "I'm also a big fan of The Three B's: bacon, books, and bourbon"—until now.
Proving his ability to constantly flabbergast even the most jaded Chris Jones observer, Jones has now changed his Twitter bio to this: "I'm a writer for Esquire and the back-page columnist for ESPN The Magazine. Standing offer for shithearts: 10 rounds, 8-ounce gloves, no headgear."
Yes. He has ascended to one of the highest possible peaks of That Guyness: That guy who, after going to the gym for a while, will challenge strangers to fights in his Twitter bio. You have to tip your hat to him.
Of course, it goes without saying that Chris Jones has no concept whatsoever of the real implications of fighting a ten round boxing match with eight ounce gloves and no headgear, because if he did, he would be a professional boxer with a lengthy record of amateur bouts and four round bouts and six round bouts and eight round bouts leading up to his ten round bout challenge. And we definitely would have heard about that, if that was the case. He would also grasp just how dangerous and even life-threatening a ten round fight with eight ounce gloves and no headgear could be for even a seasoned fighter, much less for an Esquire writer. In fact, one could produce an exact graph showing that a person's likelihood to challenge strangers to a ten round fight with eight ounce gloves and no headgear declines in direct proportion to their understanding of how dangerous said fight could be. Though we joke around about Chris, we pray to god that no one takes him up on his offer, for his own sake.
I mean I would personally give Chris Jones $100 if he could even spar for ten rounds in full protective gear with someone of a friendly disposition without stopping due to exhaustion. (It would be a bargain compared to the average pay-per-view.)