The Illinois Times reports that a Springfield pastor has taken a leave of absence after making a polite but oh-dear-so-nervous-sounding call to local police, seeking help after he mysteriously managed to get himself stuck inside a pair of handcuffs.
Tom Donovan also mysteriously managed to get his mouth obstructed with what the Times calls "some sort of gag," before making the call. He was having a very wacky day.
You can listen to the call here (WARNING: It starts with a loud dial tone):
Throughout the ordeal, Father Donovan remains unfailingly polite to the 911 operator who takes his call.
"Hi there!" he begins. "I am stuh in a pah a hankuh!"
And again, when the operator cannot make out his words through the ball-gag:
"I. AM STUCK. IN A PAIR. A HANKUHS."
Donovan explains that the silly sexy mix-up happened when he was "playing with" the cuffs and that he just needs "some help getting out." Then he gives the rectory's address.
"Is this a business?" the operator asks.
"It is actually, yoh!...Saint Aloysius!"
The dispatcher agrees to send help right away.
"Ill be here!" Father Donovan promises, then, ever chipper, promises again. Because he is gagged and bound – where is he going?
He was granted a leave of absence (to practice his Houdini-esque feats of self-imprisonment?) just before Christmas.