If you're like me, you delayed in buying your 2013 wall calendar because you knew they'd all go on sale after January 1st. Some people might decry this as "extreme cheapness," but isn't it cheaper to insist on getting the "full value" out of your calendar by using it on "all applicable days?" That's trashy.
Anyway, thank God you waited because here you are on January 7th finding out about the perfect calendar. It was put together by "The Fertile Earth Foundation" and it is titled "The Ladies of Manure." It features months and months of beautiful women covered in shit.
Fertile Earth is a Miami-based hippie clusterfuck that encourages people to compost using their own organic waste. Grow a potato from your poop. That sort of thing.
According to a making-of video on the calendar's Kickstarter page, they've been developing the calendar for "over 7 months now"; in other words, they have spent over half a year creating a one-year calendar. The most likely explanation for the extended time table is that it was difficult to find twelve beautiful women willing to cover themselves in poop and/or be photographed on a toilet. But, dammit, they did it. And now the exact date of Arbor Day will no longer be a secret.
The video's narrator also seems to describe the project as "a tasteful synergy of sex and beautiful women." However, as a tasteful synergy of sex and beautiful women would likely just be sex, perhaps a more accurate description is that the calendar is what happens when you flip poop upside down in a mirror ("boob").
The calendar retails for $25 which is, yikes, expensive. Maybe just buy a Dogs in Flowerpots calendar 50% from Barnes & Noble instead.
[Fertile Earth // Image by Ben Thacker via Fertile Earth Foundation]