Brenda Schumann of Vero Beach, Florida, was arrested last month and charged with aggravated assault and domestic violence after she allegedly threatened to kill her husband and his girlfriend before defecating on the kitchen floor.
Law enforcement officials from Indian River County say Schumann burst into the home of her estranged husband Donovan in the early morning hours of December 21, and aimed a rifle at his girlfriend yelling "I'll fucking kill you both!"
During a moment of distraction, Donovan managed to snatch the weapon from Brenda and hide in a nearby closet. (No word on whether he brought his girlfriend in there with him.)
Brenda refused to leave, and proceeded to the hallway where she urinated on the carpet. She then moved downstairs to the kitchen and evacuated her bowels on the floor.
Wandering around some more, Brenda located a second rifle, and began shooting up photos, mirrors, and Christmas decorations.
With her rampage options thoroughly exhausted, the 51-year-old finally left the residence, still armed with the rifle.
Brenda was later arrested at her home on the same street, but not before daubing the "resisting arrest" square of her Florida Bingo card.
"I found him in bed with a naked chick," Brenda said to her arresting deputies, unprompted. "What was I supposed to do?"
Brenda and Donovan have reportedly been separated for several months, and are in the process of getting a divorce. Donovan and his girlfriend told deputies they didn't know what made Brenda suddenly become violent toward them.