That headline says it all, really, but in case you want more info: When the sheriff's department in Alameda County, California attempted to conduct a "probation compliance" check at a home in Castro Valley, they discovered 34 pounds of processed dried marijuana and a five-foot alligator, named "Mr. Teeth," guarding said marijuana from a Plexiglas tank.

As you might expect, Sheriff Sgt. J.D. Nelson said guard alligators are rare. "We come across guard dogs like pit bulls quite frequently, but a guard alligator is very very unusual," Nelson said.

Also unusual: Mr. Teeth's owner, Assif Mayr, purchased the alligator in 1996 "to commemorate the death of rapper Tupac Shakur," which, sure, why not.

Both Mayr and Mr. Teeth were detained, although the gator got the better deal; Mayr was sent to Santa Rita jail with $160,000 bond while Mr. Teeth was taken to the Oakland Zoo.

UPDATE: The alligator (actually a dwarf caiman) died overnight at the zoo. RIP Mr. Teeth.

[Image via Shutterstock]