Ladies and gentlemen, prepare your sympathies: when Mariah Carey was 19, someone (probably Tommy Mottola) drilled into her head that her left side is her "bad side." She has struggled with this affliction of knowledge ever since. She said she was doing better with it ("I don't care anymore," she lied in 2009), but then someone went and put her on the right in this setup for an American Idol promo interview on Wednesday.
You can see that it provoked as close to an existential crisis as she is ever likely to let on having in public. What followed were two and a half minutes of her squirming uncomfortably. She looks like a calf in a veal box with horse hair. She won't look at the interviewer, she's turned away from the rest of the group, she appears to have a medical condition.