And The Worst Lede of All Time Is: “She lost a womb but gained a penis.”

Congratulations, Toronto Star columnist Rosie DiManno – not only have you written a horrifying story about a horrible incident, but you have also written what's probably the worst lede of all time. That lede is:

She lost a womb but gained a penis.

The former was being removed surgically - full hysterectomy - while the latter was forcibly shoved into her slack mouth.

"She lost a womb but gained a penis." Jesus Christ. "She lost a womb but gained a penis." I mean, what? I'm no expert — I took exactly one journalism class, and it was taught by this guy — but that's the worst lede of all time, right? Unless there's another lede out there that euphemistically refers to rape as "gaining a penis," then the answer is clearly "yes, this is the worst lede of all time."

As mind-shatteringly awful as that first sentence is, the story is somehow worse: It involves the perfectly named Dr. George Doodnaught, an anesthesiologist charged with assaulting 20 women while they were unconscious or incapcitated during surgery in North York General Hospital. DiManno focuses on one victim, who goes by "DD."

DD, who DiManno makes sure to note is "attractive," survived a horrible ordeal when she went into surgery for a hysterectomy. At some point in the procedure, Doodnaught allegedly began fondling DD, who was still awake, before kissing her ("twirling [his] tongue around") and then, as hinted at in that god-awful lede, forcing her to perform oral sex.

"I opened my eyes because I felt I was gagging. My head was turned to the left and he had his penis in my mouth. I saw the shaft of his penis. I saw brown skin. I saw veins. And I remember looking up at his face because he was leaning on the screen with his right hand on his hip, his left hand on the screen and I (saw) his wedding band."

Ugh. So yes, a terrible story that deserves to be told so that Doodnaught, if tried and convicted, can go to jail. But also: a story that could have started off in literally any other way and been better.