Orangutans Will Soon Be Able to Sext Each OtherS

Orangutans, they're just like us. No, really. Smithsonian.com's blog Around the Mall has a story today on apes at the museum's National Zoo that have been playing with iPads for recreation, using specially designed apps that allow six orangutans to make music, draw and play games to improve their cognitive skills. I'd note that the apes at the National Zoo are now literally more productive on a day-to-day basis than me, but they probably were even before they got the iPads.

But the orangutans there have only begun to be exposed to the wonderful world of modern technology. Up next? APE SEXTS.

[Great ape keeper Becky] Malinsky hopes to, when wireless capabilities allow, use the FaceTime application to allow the orangutans to communicate with animals in other zoos or even with keepers they used to know but who have moved to new institutions. She says the animals' interactions with technology show just how similar to humans they can be and further strengthens the case and cause of orangutan conservation worldwide.

As we continue to willfully destroy the planet Earth, it only makes sense from a karma perspective that we begin to lose the privileges that we have as humans. Like, for instance, the ability to paw at a screen all day in an effort to fill the void before death. Or, say, being able to use FaceTime to watch your love interest piss into his or her mouth.

[via Around the Mall, image via Getty]