College Freshmen Stupidly Expect to Graduate on Time, Achieve Success

Get a load of this one, the big joke of the day: students entering our nation's four-year colleges actually expect to graduate, from those colleges, in four years. I know. What?? Somebody give these kids some education!

We as a nation should direct our woefully misguided anger about this at the student-victims themselves, rather than at the educational system which will, in all likelihood, suck their bank accounts dry before casting them out with no degree or serious job prospects, because: college kids. Right? Why don't they get out of Senor Frog's and get a job, like their grandparents did when economic and social conditions were so different as to be incomparable? Just listen to these heartbreaking hilarious results of a survey of incoming college freshmen:

Although the vast majority of freshmen (84.3 percent) believe they will graduate in four years, the report notes, federal IPEDS data from the respondents' institutions suggest that only 40.6 percent will do so.

Haha, twice as many freshmen expect to graduate in four years as will actually graduate in four years. We are sorely tempted to make several jokes denigrating idiot Millennials in order to paper over our horror at this statistic. While the vast majority of fresh-faced 18 year-old hopefuls believe that in four short years they will be fully launched upon the path of accredited success, only half that many actually will. The rest will either still be struggling to scrape together the cash to buy those remaining credit hours as they slave away at underpaid part-time jobs, or they will have given up entirely, their college career becoming a complete financial write-off that will dog them for decades to come, despite delivering them little or no professional benefit. The fact that 81% of these freshmen also said that "'being very well-off financially' is a personal goal" only makes their looming predicament all the more tragic funny, because generations that come after ours probably do not work as hard as we did, and their music is inferior to ours, so any failures they suffer must be their own fault, rather than the fault of the system that we ourselves created for them to live in.

Skrillex?

[Inside Higher Ed. Photo: Nazareth College/ Flickr]