The Best of Toronto's Insane, Terrible Mayor Rob Ford: an Introduction for Americans

Fellow American: have you heard of Rob Ford, portly Canadian football fan and Mayor of Toronto, Canada's version of New York City? If not, you are missing out — and you better get on the Ford bandwagon soon because he might not be Mayor for much longer.

Back in November, Ford had been automatically expelled from office after a justice ruled that he'd illegally voted to let himself off the hook over improperly solicited lobbyist donations to a football charity he'd started. This morning, Ford won his appeal meaning he will stay on as mayor, at least over the weekend. Next week, an independent audit of his campaign finances will be released; if it goes poorly for Ford he could be removed, again.

And while Ford's removal from office would be good for Toronto, it would be terrible for the rest of us. Because without Rob Ford, we wouldn't have these Rob Ford quotes:

Rob Ford on...

...public health:

"If you are not doing needles and you are not gay, you wouldn't get AIDS probably, that's bottom line... those are the facts."

...urban planning:

"What I compare bike lanes to is swimming with the sharks. Sooner or later you're going to get bitten... Roads are built for buses, cars, and trucks, not for people on bikes. My heart bleeds for them when I hear someone gets killed, but it's their own fault at the end of the day."

...immigration:

"Those Oriental people work like dogs. They work their hearts out. They are workers non-stop. They sleep beside their machines. That's why they're successful in life. I went to Seoul, South Korea, I went to Taipei, Taiwan. I went to Tokyo, Japan. That's why these people are so hard workers [sic]. I'm telling you, the Oriental people, they're slowly taking over."

...diversity:

"I don't understand. Number one, I don't understand a transgender. I don't understand. Is it a guy dressed up like a girl, or a girl dressed up like a guy? And we're funding this for -– I don't know, what does it say here –- we're giving them $3,210?"

...procuring Oxycontin:

"I'll try, buddy, I'll try. I don't know this shit [Oxycontin], but I'll fucking try to find it. Why don't you go on the street and score it? Fuck, you know, I don't know any drug dealers at all."

...being asked to be quiet at a Maple Leafs game:

"Are you some kind of right-wing commie bastard?... Do you want your little wife to go over to Iran and get raped and shot?... Green party fucking rules."