There is a great deal to ridicule about the New York Times' "Weddings and Celebrations" section most of the time, and it is right and meet for us to come together and do so.
For each perfect and heartbreaking line that celebrates the couple without trivializing or infantilizing the elderly, we will forgive a separate offense.
- "The bride, 97, is keeping her name. She graduated from Lesley College in Cambridge, Mass...Robert L. Bryant, a Universal Life minister and a son of the bride, officiated at his home."
The Times is now forgiven for the bizarre "End of Courtship" mess it ran earlier this month.
- "The bride was a widow and the groom a widower."
The Times is now forgiven for the 2010 profile of expensive Manhattan ballroom dancing schools that uses the word "elite" three times in the first few paragraphs.
- "They began going on regular lunch dates and became very close, revealing to each other that both hated going to dinner alone at Country House."
The Times is now forgiven for attempting to shut down the parody Twitter account "The Times Is On It."
- "On Jan. 25, 2012, Mr. Haire, a hobbyist poet, slipped a sonnet vowing 'friendship and affection' beneath Mrs. Bryant's apartment door with a note that said 'this represents how I feel in our relationship as a couple." He was afraid to give it to her in person. 'I was desperately trying to strike a balance between too timid or bold. I didn't want to mess things up,' he said about the courtship. 'I can attest that it doesn't get easier even in advanced age.'"
The Times is now forgiven for reminding us that we will never be able to afford to live in New York.
- "Jane Bryant Quinn, one of Mrs. Bryant's daughters...recalled speaking with her mother on the phone around this time. 'Her voice was kind of glowing,' she said. 'She loved having someone to talk to again. Since my father died, she just didn't have someone to talk to in the deepest sense.'"
The Times is now forgiven for writing 1300 gushing words about designer prom dresses and including the sentence "'No one is buying Chanel couture who would normally shop at J. Crew," she said (Ms. Prim was considering a dress from Versace's fall 2010 collection to wear to prom this year, but has to skip the dance for work commitments)."
- "She explained why she first turned him down. 'There's a great difference in our ages, as you can see,' she said. 'I didn't think it was the thing to do because I don't have that many years ahead of me, but he said, ‘That's all the more reason.' I like him very much. I love him. So we're going to be married.'"
The Times is now forgiven for its celery-based lies. Go in peace.
- [Picture via Getty Images]