White Man Discovers Blunts

Sure, everyone chuckled this week about the Dallas Police Department not having a fucking clue what "molly" is. But were we being too harsh on Dallas whites? Because even in America's greatest metropolis, some whites are just now discovering what blunts are.

New York Post columnist John Crudele, a white man, would like to inform his readers of a troubling new development in the illicit world of Inner City Kids With Their Drugs and How They're Taking the Drugs These Days, We Hear. Prepare to "ring the alarm" (street slang for "be surprised"):

Take an unlit cigar, point it top down and roll it between your thumb and forefinger until tobacco starts falling out. There's now space in the wrapper for your favorite illicit substance.

I, for one, am shocked that a family newspaper like the New York Post would allow this "gonzo" journalist to spout of the latest underground drug-taking tactics right in the first paragraph of his newspaper column which is read, I surmise, exclusively by dim children. And there's more:

I'm not suggesting you smoke anything illegal. But you should know about one of the hottest trends in New York City - so hot that it is sparking a boom in the cheap cigar business... Today's pot smokers, it seems, are too lazy to roll their own joints.

In John Crudele's day (June 13, 1967), pot smokers had drive and initiative. They would roll their own joints first thing in the morning, before they'd even had a cup of coffee, even if they had to use spittle-drenched toilet paper to do so. That sort of "DIY" ethic has apparently deteriorated to paltry levels in today's Inner City Drug Youth, who can barely muster the energy to roll a cheap cigar betwixt their ejaculate-stained fingertips. It's a god damn shame, is what it is.

Convenience isn't the only reason cigars are being used as the "delivery system" for marijuana and other drugs.

Potheads are also lighting up cigar sales because their cigar "joints" don't give off that pungent, sickly sweet smell that makes the people around them snicker, roll their eyes and maybe call the cops.

John Crudele seems to know an awful lot about the smell of illegal marijuana. Combined with his intimate knowledge of this latest trend in marijuana "delivery system" (street slang for "blunts") and... well, it just makes you wonder.

But since this is the financial section, the point of this column is this: NYC's mainstream cigar sellers - tobacconists - and the state are being hurt by the booming sales of what one expert calls "inner-city cigars."

Mark Goldman, who once owned cigar wholesaler House of Oxford, tells me "sales of inner-city cigars are way up." [...]

There are no statistics on statewide cigar sales.

Sales of black people gutter drug "delivery system"—no, wait, that sounds a bit harsh. Sales of Hip-Hopping marijuana phallus—hmm, no, too "slangy." Sales of, shall we say, inner-city cigars are booming, due to this trend of "blunt smoking," which is a new trend. A guy who used to own a cigar business told me so. That said, there are no statistics that would actually prove things one way or another. But look around you: inner-city cigars, everywhere you look. How long before this new "delivery system" for marijuana is used to rape your wife?

The Redman album featuring the song "How to Roll a Blunt" was released on September 22, 1992.

[NYP. Photo: Jorge Gobbi/ Flickr]