If You Call Oprah 'Old' on Twitter, She Will Hunt You Down

Lots of things were raw yesterday, during Oprah's sit-down with Whitney Houston's mother, Cissy. Things like Cissy's Houston's disapproval of Bobby Brown. Things like Oprah Winfrey's raw-ass raggedy old face.

At least, that's how one viewer felt.

During the broadcast, Twitter user @kp1lady, whose profile identifies her as being both #TEAMWEEZY and #TEAMIPHONE, publicly observed that Oprah Winfrey was not looking her best. That she did in fact look "old as hell tonight!!!!!!"

Oprah has more than 16 million twitter followers. Oprah doesn't have time to read all her @-replies. Oprah's not going to ever see the dumb things you tweet at her. Right?

Wrong. Oprah has enough time to read all her tweets because Oprah has enough money to do nothing but read all her tweets and Oprah has enough energy to read all her tweets because Gayle got her these great candles that release energizing scents for Christmas, and she just loves them.

How old is hell? According to geologists, the Earth is roughly 4.5 billion years old. Some Bible enthusiasts feel the number is closer to 6,000 years. Splitting the difference, we'll assume that Earth is about 2,250,003,000 years old.

Hell's probably a little newer than that, since the Bible mentions Satan being cast down to Earth; we'll peg it at 2,250,002,999 years old.

Did Oprah really look 2,250,002,999 years old last night? No. 2,250,002,999-year-old Oprah would manifest herself as a small pile of sand. Last night, Oprah looked pretty much as she has for the last few years. She was wearing a dark blue dress. Barely any sand on her.

Good fact check, Oprah.

[Twitter, h/t @shani_o]