Brawny Bieber Boorishly Bares Bulky Body

This brash young zoot-suiter Justin Bieber had better learn something more than baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby—he had better learn some respect. Respect for rules. Respect for society. Respect for propriety. Here a nice young man like Justin is, parading around without a shirt on, torso unclad as you please. We fear that one more promising young man has fallen prey to the lure of orgiastic fashion malefaction.

Ensconced in and no doubt aesthetically influenced by the "gangsta" culture of the "anything goes" music industry, the pubescent Bieber, in full view of onlookers, removed his "tee"-style shirt and openly displayed his "abdominals"—the mythical musculature covering his bowel area. The purpose of Bieber's grotesque antic is unclear. What we do know is that professional scribes at the NY Daily News, upon viewing the nigh-pornographic photographs of Bieber's exposed upper body, declared in print that "Bieber is getting bulky."

Justin Bieber is bulky compared to what?

  • A will-o-the-wisp.
  • A whippoorwill.
  • A whip.
  • A will (written upon a single sheet of paper).
  • Caity Weaver.
We can only pray that Bieber's wanton display of bulk today does not end in his implication in the latest South Florida steroid scandal (though the rumors are doubtless already spreading).

Has Justin Bieber's swagger grown too bulky to be contained?

[NYDN. Photo: Getty]