America's SweeTart Lindsay Lohan is poised to miss her first court date of 2013 in California tomorrow due to a life-threatening case of the blahs.
TMZ reports that Lohan's attorney Mark Heller (who, unlike Lohan's longtime, recently-fired attorney Shawn Holley, is not licensed to practice law in California) has submitted documents informing the judge that Lindsay is too ill to fly.
Heller reportedly submitted a note from a New York physician stating that Lohan has an upper respiratory infection, as well as this story from the New York Post explaining that the flu has hit "epidemic" levels in New York City.
A more thorough packet of information would also have included a link to the Wikipedia entry for "disease" as well as a brief, free-form essay meditating on the fragility of the human condition, but this guy's no Shawn Holley.
TMZ reports that Lohan's doctor allegedly diagnosed her on Saturday. However, as the website points out, Lindsay was photographed observing Saturn's day by shopping in SoHo and smoking out-of-doors.
If the judge rules that Lohan's excuse for skipping her court date is invalid, she could issue a warrant for the actress' arrest; another judge did this in 2010 after Lohan blamed a missed a court appearance on a stolen passport.
She has entered a plea of not guilty and, off the record, of Not Givin' a FUCK.