Twenty-seven New Hampshire bear cub orphans are having the slumber party of their lives this winter, because they have decided not to go to sleep.
They are waking each other up, playing in the trees within the 8-acre fence, burning up the calories and running up a huge bill on Kibbles 'n Bits.
As far as the bear babies are concerned, the only rule is "no rules" and everyone is invited to New Hampshire's Bear Hill Conservancy for a real cool time.
WCVB-Boston reports that the man in charge of the babies, state bear rehabilitator Ben Kilham, was forced to care for a record number of cubs this year because an unusually high number of mama bears were shot foraging for food inside chicken coops and beehives in the part of the movie that is so hard to watch. :(
Typically, Kilham only cares for three to five cubs at a time. This year, it's like he's hosting a goddamn teddy bear picnic in the wooden enclosure behind his home.
The cubs are putting on make-up and prank calling owls they know and playing with a Ouija board even though Jessica's mom said it's a tool of the Devil. No bear wants to fall asleep because he's afraid his friends will put his paw in a cup of warm water. They refuse to settle down for the winter.
And now it's getting expensive.
According to WCVB, food costs for the bears are usually low, since they sleep all through the season. (In the wild, bears hibernate because food is scarce in winter.)
Now that the bears are living it up at a months-long bear Coachella, the cost of procuring enough "steam-flaked corn and dog food" for them to live on is through the roof. Kilham estimates it will $1,000 per bear to keep them fed through June.
Hosting bear parties is expensive.