Kids today. They're either silently pleading down their boners while other kids, clad only in underpants, rub up against them in public bars, or they're busy making sandwiches. Everyone has a different skillset.
One Direction sex gremlin Harry Styles celebrated his 19th birthday over the weekend by entertaining the ass of a stripper on his crotch. He was wearing a shirt with white hearts printed all over it. Sir Bob Geldof's daughter was there.
A couple days ago, Taylor Swift made a sandwich.
The stripper's services were allegedly purchased by one of Harry's friends a British radio D.J. According to the Daily Mail, her strip tease lasted ten minutes, to the tune of £100, which is bananas because 1) she looks like a bottom-dollar stripper at best and 2) so many tweens would gladly have filled in for free.
While the stripper arrived dressed as a policewoman, it quickly became apparently she was not, in fact, an officer of the law, when she began taking off her clothes for money. (Also, no proper law enforcement credentials.)
On Friday, Taylor Swift dressed up like a policewoman and arrested a sandwich for being too delicious, just kidding, she wasn't dressed up and also "too delicious" is not a crime.
So I'm just minding my own business, making a sandwich before rehearsals, and I get a call that Red is platinum in the UK. I LOVE you guys.— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) February 1, 2013
Styles described the encounter to The Sun as "great," adding that he was "in stitches."
"It was really funny. We had a great night."
Harry also said that one of his friends recognized the stripper from college, and expressed disappointment that the former scholar had been unable to stand completely naked in the bar:
"She stripped down to her underwear but unfortunately there was a no-nudity policy in the bar."
Styles and Swift stopped sharing sandwiches in January.