Do you own a dog? Is your dog's name "Ranger?" Why not? Do you sometimes—because you love Ranger very much—go to the special pet store and buy him special, more expensive "Science Diet" dog food that is scientifically formulated to be food, for dogs? You monster. You're feeding your dog science? How is that even natural?
For decades, the Colgate-Palmolive Co. thought it was pretty hot shit for selling its fancy "Science Diet" dog food at a mark-up to pet owners who only wanted the most scientific diets, for Ranger. But now the joke's on the Colgate-Palmolive Co.: when it comes to "shit you feed to your dog," scientific is out, and all-natural is in. After all, is your dog a robot? Most Americans don't think so. That's why sales of Science Diet are DOWN, and sales of Just A Can of Ground-Up Buffalo Meat With Some Berries Tossed In There are WAY UP. From the WSJ:
When Brian Saunders, a 28-year-old electrician in Tenafly, N.J., got a puppy four years ago, he researched pet foods online before choosing a brand whose main ingredients include venison, bison and berries.
"I wanted to make the best choice for Tyson," he said, referring to his 55-pound brindle pitbull. Mr. Saunders spends roughly $30 a month on Taste of the Wild dog food, made by Diamond Pet Foods Inc. "If I can't eat the ingredients, I won't feed them to my dog," he says, referring to animal byproducts and plant fillers in many commercial dog foods.
Brian Saunders' dog Ranger won't be eating any animal byproducts, thank you very much. Only natural things, like the flesh of animals. Plus berries, because dogs love berries. Don't you, Ranger? He does. He loves the antioxidants, and he really appreciates the higher quality of organic bison meat versus the cheap regular bison meat you usually get in the corporate dog foods like... Ranger. Ranger. Stop eating the plastic hot dog package from the trash can. No.