CBS Bans ‘Puffy’ Genitals, ‘Bare Fleshy’ Butt Curves from the Grammys in One Uncomfortably Erotic Email

The "bare fleshy under curves" of everyone's buttocks are drooping a little lower today, as CBS' Standards & Practices department has issued a harshly-worded email forbidding all Grammy attendees from flashing their softest, roundest parts (boobies, butts, and "puffy" crotch skin) on camera.

"Thong type costumes are problematic," the email explains, in an observation most likely directed at Taylor Swift. "Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible ‘puffy' bare skin exposure."

Uncovered buttocks, "bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks," and exposed "buttock crack" are all banned; ditto uncovered "female breasts," and exposed "female breast nipples."

Worst of all, the policy specifically hones in on those unconventional areas of the breast most highly prized by the modern breast connoisseur: side boob and reverse cleavage.

"Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic."

The desperate plea for all trick bitches to keep their tits in check, PUH-LEASE was first published by Deadline, who received it from a disgruntled recipient:

CBS Program Practices advises that all talent appearing on camera please adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe.

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible "puffy" bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent's wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.

Perhaps it's a good sign that the only CAPSLOCK FREAKOUT of the email is reserved for a ban on obscene language.

We might be able to sneak in a puffed out crotch box after all.

[Deadline // Images via Getty]