The 55th annual Grammy Awards, the music industry's best-catered sham, will air tonight at 8 p.m. on CBS. Let's watch them and talk about them and love them and hate them here.
Rihanna will perform. Elton John will perform. Taylor Swift will perform. Chris Brown and Frank Ocean will battle (metaphorically and also in the parking lot) for "Best Urban Contemporary Album." All attendees have been warned not to wear sexy clothes.
Who will defy their grandmother's instructions and show up with visible underboob?
Who will forget to thank God in their acceptance speech, and be struck down by lightning where they stand?
Who will take home the most gilded gramophone awards?
Let's have a weird time.