Introducing Mountain Dew's New Morning Drink for Bros: Kickstart

Since coffee is for pussies and tea is way gay, PepsiCo's Mountain Dew has a new morning soda to start your day off right. It's called Kickstart and it sounds delightful.

Kickstart is a "sparkling juice beverage" that contains only 5 percent real juice and 95 percent only god knows. Not quite an energy drink, not yet a soda, it comes in "energizing orange citrus" and "energizing fruit punch."

"Our consumers told us they are looking for an alternative to traditional morning beverages – one that tastes great, includes real fruit juice and has just the right amount of kick to help them start their days," said Mountain Dew Vice President Greg Lyons in a PepsiCo employee newsletter. "We heard them loud and clear and created a completely new offering with Kickstart to give them exactly what they asked for."

Is "Morning soda" something that anyone's asked for?

For the record, Kickstart has 92 milligrams of caffeine in a 16-ounce can. A 16-ounce "grande" of Starbucks has 330.

Kickstart will slam into a store near you Feb. 25.

[Image via AP]