Florida Sen. Marco Rubio gave the Republican response to Obama's State of the Union speech tonight, and while he spoke a lot about protecting his neighbors and a son's love for his mother, he was really just very thirsty. Parched even. Mouth full of steel wool. Tongue is old velcro. Lips stuck to teeth.

Lord bless that sweet, teeny tiny Poland Spring. And clap.

Praise be. And clap.

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