Dave Is Dating Britney Spears

The voicemail inbox of America's Randomest Guy is blowing up like crazy today, after word has broken that Britney Spears is dating him. That guy? Yes, your friend Dave. That boring old Dave who we all know and never thought about much until he started dating Britney Spears.

According to TMZ, Dave, who has no last name but also doesn't need one because we all know him (it's Dave!) "does not seem to have significant California roots." He works for a law firm doing "field research," a term he copied off LinkedIn to hide the fact he is not a lawyer (he's just Dave). He is "definitely not a wealthy guy," notes the website. He is "kind of a jack-of-all trades."

Dave burst onto America's social radar on Valentine's Day when grainy paparazzi pictures surfaced of him taking Britney Spears, the mentally unstable world famous millionaire popstar he is dating, out for a sushi date. TMZ reports that their bill was $60 and Dave tipped $13 — a little over 20%. Nothing extravagant. Classic Dave.

His favorite movies are actions and comedies. His favorite ice cream is vanilla chocolate swirl. His favorite store is Express. His lucky number is 7. His favorite dog is a Labrador Retriever. His favorite sports are football, basketball, baseball, and golf. He usually has cereal for breakfast but, on Sunday, maybe bacon.

He's just Dave.

Britney Spears is dating him.

[TMZ // Image via Getty]