At last, the unattainable glamour of the mailman is within your sweaty grasp: the U.S. Postal Service announced Tuesday plans to release a fashion line for men. (Estimated delivery date for a women's line: unknown.)
The venture, which was a lot more fun when Project Runway did it (Season 1, Episode 8), will be called "Rain Heat & Snow"; a nod to the famous Postal Service creed: "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds."
"Gloom of Night" sounds a little more haute couture than random weather words, but what do they know? They're not Carol Lagerfeld or Georgia Ramani, or any of those fashion people. They're just the Postal Service and this is a fun idea they had.
According to an official press release, the line will consist of "'smart apparel' also known as wearable electronics." Imagine a sweatshirt that is also an MP3 player with your nipples as the PLAY/STOP buttons, brought to you by the Postal Service. A pair of pants that is a Tamagotchi. A hat that you plug into your cellphone to charge your car. The Postal Service has got a great feeling about this. Like maybe selling clothing is what they were really meant to do.
The line will be financed by a Cleveland-based apparel company called Wahconah Group, Inc. CNN reports that the Postal Service won't have to pay to produce it (which is good, since they can't even afford to bring you a postcard on Saturdays), but will receive a small percentage of the profits. The clothes will be sold in "premier department and specialty stores."
USPS Corporate Licensing Manager Steven Mills sums up the unholy union of mailman and couturier and electronic whiz kid (very good with computers and fashions) thusly:
"This agreement will put the Postal Service on the cutting edge of functional fashion."
Right where it belongs.