How to Pick on a Nine-Year-Old Girl Without Offending the World: A Dispatch from the Nybro Action TeamS

The Nybro Action Team consists of Hjalmar Sveinbjőrnsson and Alex Bejerstrand, two under-employed roommates living in Nybro, a small industrial town in southern Sweden. Hjalmar is a chef; Alex takes woodworking courses. We asked them to address the controversy surrounding the Onion's Oscar-night tweet describing Quvenzhané Wallis as a "cunt." This is their first feature for Gawker. We have lightly edited their post for grammar and punctuation.

Nybro action team is on the case, sniffing up different trails, asking our self questions and pondering the future.

Right now I got a steaming cup of coffee EVEN though I have strict rules about "no coffee" after 18:00 but I will let the world burn while I find the answers to questions I don't know yet like how to say this little girls name.

Lets start with the ACTION TEAM watching the Oscar ... so you can stand up and take a 3 hour brake from reading and come back, it will make this experience feel so much "real."

Seth McFarland biggest challenge, trying to be non-offensive to a large group of middle age people and then "BOOM" William Shatner playing a character he was 20 years ago, this night is on.

We are about an hour into the Oscar and myself about 2 hours in reading about little Ms Wallis and other child celebrity while Alex takes the pulse on twitter and media reports while The Oscar award show runs on the big screen, cheap laughs, jokes that feel a bit to raw for an award ceremony. This is the first time Alex sees the Oscar and I give full attention to it I seen couple of re-runs of old Oscars back when I was a kid.

We have many opinion off the Oscar, Alex finds it "robotic and Americanizing" but I know that a movie award exist in every country but might be a little bit larger event in USA as its been going on for 85 years as they say on the Oscar award website.

Alex Now Sounds Like He Would Do "Jihads"?

Lets take a little brake from this matter and let me talk about John Cook for a second and yes its completely unrelated to the Oscar, Onion and Quvenzhane Wallis. [In previous correspondence, Gawker editor John Cook described to the Nybro Action Team how his name was made fun of as a child—Ed.]

We have many opinion off the Oscar, Alex finds it "robotic and Americanizing."

I can understand you about getting teased about your name and I was glad to see an honest fast response to such a silly question my name Hjalmar can mean a Helmet on Icelandic just like a bicycle helmet, horrible name to have as a kid specially when a very popular comedy sitcom makes a popular on-going sketch about the name "Hjalmar" and "Helmits" when your 12 year old and already gotten fat Alex got called "Ali-bali lingon head" as a kid, Swedish child-hood is confusing.

Kids are cruel beasts but also our little angels, yes I said it, so what are children saying about Ms Wallis on the internet? No idea because kids are not allowed on twitter and other online media because of perverts so we just have to speculate for now, but the popular "reddit" found her not be able to "clap."

The word "cunt" is apparently very offensive according to John Cook and Milliar-Webster but I think I already knew that, but the point her is this girl is 9 years old and already claim for international cuteness, after watching quiet a lot of interviews with her I can see that she is one smart kid.

Other things I looked at also was previews child actors and they're impact on the web or what I call our common home, nut house more like it.

Lets see what Wikis of the world have to say about some random list I found about ex-child-Celebs Selena Gomez, Dylan and Cole Sprouse, Jake T. Austin, Emma Roberts, Dakota Fanning, Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, Reese Witherspoon, Anna Paquin, Kirsten Dunst, Raven-Symoné.

After googling and reading what wikipedia had to say only Lindsay Lohan, Edward Furlong made it to the naughty list and calling Ms Wallis a cunt just because Lindsay is one is not fair to a child.

So How Do You Make Funny Jokes About the Underage?

We covered using someones name to make a fun of her or him and that is not cool maybe something she did on the Oscar? I think she did great, if I would make fun of anyone it would be Seth but he is more of a teenager then a child so I have nothing.

I guess its not so normal to make a joke about a child in general so I just wonder about how the person who wrote this feels and how badly she or him felt the "ffuuucckk" feeling in her or his tummy about an hour later.

A Carrier Ended in the Business of Satire News Papers?

Because I can not be-leave a group of professionals thought this was a good idea as a joke But I been a reader in the last years, not so much lately I tried to follow there Onion network online but got over whelmed by the amount of commercial, probably one of the reasons why I don't watch TV anymore. 
I have a hard time imagine someone paying for having 24/7 hours of fake news available to watch but most of the time any media feels fake, Fox news is well known and I watch it like you would Onion news so I am already a hard imagine person.

Have we found truth and how much?

"They used to have a magazine" I ones heart from a American friend of mine say after we talked about this at work, I just thought if you can have gossip tabloids you can have this printed also.

So were are we now? Oscar is on the pause, about an hour left and we can't take anymore.

Alex is drawing some fast sketches to add drama and view into "our take" on this event and its not Ms Wallis event I am talking about because she sounds smarter then most adults in her interviews so I am more on how this article is going, we checked her twitter account and has not said a word since 23 Feb., smart kid.

Have we found truth and how much?, I really want you to ask your self that question but not now because I got about a page more in me how to explain to you that everything is gone be O.K.

Twitter lighted up with people angry about Onion comments even though some of those people were as misguided as The onion the satire news paper.

One tweet reads:

@Xeni
Fuck you, @theonion. Calling a 9 year old black girl a "c*nt" violates the most basic principles of what it means to be human. Fuck you.

And that summed this whole night up for me, twitter is not for everyone.

As I accidental summoned up the whole article about Quvenzhané Wallis and the Onion we just got to hope your gone be "O. K" because we are gone remember this scandal for some time about 2-3 days maybe a week for some while the Onion staff member, ex or not will remember this for the rest of his or her life.

If your still angry you can listen to our yoga/meditation video, hope you dont get to angry over someone finds it funny to make fake meditation videos like we do

Hjalmar and Alex: Nybro Action Team