Hope You Enjoyed Your Fucking Weekend Because 19-Year-Old Millionaire Justin Bieber Had THE WORST BIRTHDAYS

Everyone remembers the first time they turned 19. Their "Neat Nineteen." The big one-nine. For some, it is one of the best days of their lives. For others, it is absolutely the best day of their lives.

For Justin Bieber, it was neither. It was, in fact, the "worst birthday."

Here's the story in his own words:




Let's rewind. On Bieber Birthday Friday, Justin Bieber kicked off the worldwide celebration of his birth with a shopping spree at Selfridges, a high-end London department store founded by Jeremy Piven. According to Us Weekly, Bieber bought himself "some Christian Louboutin sneakers" and "Hermes accessories"; "a ton of Balmain and Givenchy swag"; pearls and pomegranates and a platinum hatpin; a haunted magician's box and a black-blooded snake.

It was the worst birthday.

For Justin Bieber Birthday Dinner, Justin Bieber and his friends dined at Mint Leaf, a swanky Indian restaurant in Haymarket. If any moms were in attendance, they probably asked "Can I have some mo' samosas, please?"—a really classic joke.

It was the worst birthday.

After dinner, with spicy tongues and rumbly tummies, Justin Bieber and his Band of Merry Mans and Them made their way to a club for the official Justin Bieber's Birthday birthday pop-off.

It was to be circus-themed.

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The general consensus among tabloids, witnesses, and representatives of the "Cirque Du Soir" nightclub is that Justin Bieber's night went from "brat" to "worst" after a couple of his guests were refused entry to the club for being underage. The coolest kids Bieber rolls with: rumored girlfriend, 17-year-old Ella-Paige Roberts Clarke, and Will Smith's 14-year-old son Jayden. The minimum age for entry is 18.

A few members of Bieber's entourage reportedly argued with the club's security guards, who refused to convert the guests' ages from human to dog years. Then the group left.

A friend of Bieber's bemoaned on Twitter that poor Justin Bieber can't never have fun — not even on his birthday. Damn.

It was the worst birthday.

In a note posted to Instagram, Bieber maintains that he never attempted to bring "underage people"—specifically Jayden Smith—to Cirque Du Soir. He reveals that Cirque Du Soir is a "weak ass club" whose managment lied to the press "so they wouldn't look bad" after Bieber left abruptly on account of the club's weak-assedness and explains that it was the "worst bday" because some "dummies" pushed his fans. He also says it "wasn't the worst bday cuz" he was able to spend time with friends. :)

The funny moment when people believe I brought underage people to a club.. U think Will is letting his 14 year old in a club, I don't think so.. 2nd I love how the club wanted to give the press another reason to why we didn't stay at their weak ass club so they wouldn't look bad for me walking in and right back out..i said m "worst bday" but that was due to dummies pushing over my fans and being overly aggressive. Btw it wasn't the worst bday cuz all my friends from back home flew in I was just mad in the moment

Then he retweeted thirty-eight people telling him they love him and then he felt better.

[Daily Mail / Instagram // Image via Getty]