A band of rowdy hamburglars has ensured that a troop of Girl Scouts in Washington state will never trust anyone or love anything ever again, after breaking into a troop leader's garage and destroying around $2500 worth of Girl Scout cookies.
The incident occurred early Sunday morning, which demonstrates a surprising amount of industrialism given that the only task completed was the mashing and stomping of cookies. Dee Brown, charged with storing the cookies to be sold by her daughters' troop, told police she awoke after hearing a crash, then saw what looked like three teenagers running away from her property.
In her garage, she discovered a cookie massacre. Cases of cookies were ripped open, their contents strewn about and doused with oil and house paint.
The Thin Mints were trampled into Dust Mints. The Do-Si-Dos would never dance again. The Samoas were...also damaged.
Police speculated that the vandals had entered the garage looking for money (because that's where everyone keeps money, is in their garage?—Stay in school, teens) and, when they found none, decided to enact revenge upon the cookies. The vandals took all their pent up rage, channeled it into painstakingly prying open some cans of paint, and then made those Savannah Smiles pay. They also wrecked some Christmas ornaments.
The Girl Scouts of America has agreed to replace the damaged boxes.
In other crimes against Girl Scouts, a troop in California recently lost $550 after a boy on a skateboard (most likely Bart Simpson) rolled by and snatched their cash box.
None of the guilty parties have yet earned their Police Department Visit badges.