On Tuesday, Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton was tottering around a "fishing heritage center" in the middle of nowhere (technically: the coast of nowhere), all pregnant, probably singing Britney Spears' 2000 single "Lucky" over and over in her head and wondering if she wouldn't have been happier with Tristan after all.
The Daily Beast reports that Kate was broken out of her reverie by a 67-year-old woman who gave her a teddy bear. According to the woman, Kate accepted the toy and said "Thank you, I'll give that to my d—" then stopped herself.
The woman asked Kate if she'd meant to say "daughter."
At first, says the woman, the duchess responded "No, we don't know!" When pressed, she amended her answer to "We're not telling."
But before we jump to conclusions, let's take a look at all the things she could have been about to say:
- "Thank you, I'll give that to my dog!"
Why would she stop herself? While it takes some pretty big balls to give a princess a stuffed animal you picked up at the Dollar General and demand she give it to her child for a plaything, it takes even bigger balls to look someone in the eye and say "YOUR GIFT IS FOR POOR TRASH AND THE ONLY THING I'D LET TOUCH IT IS MY DIRTY OLD DOG." Kate Middleton came close to saying that, but then stopped herself because she is polite. Lupo absolutely looks like the kind of dog who would rip the head off a teddy bear.
- "Thank you, I'll give that to my Dad!"
Why would she stop herself? "I'll give that to my Dad," would lead to lots of follow up questions. Is her father merely an avid collector, or does he have a teddy bear fetish? Best to pipe down and avoid all awkwardness.
- "Thank you, I'll give that to my Duke!"
Why would she stop herself? See above, but swap out "father" for "husband." Additional layer of weirdness if she refers to William by his title in casual speech.
- "Thank you, I'll give that to my dumb son!"
Why would she stop herself? A little soon to admit she doesn't like her son. We were all pulling for a girl, Kate, but you get what you get.
- "Thank you, I'll give that to my dagger!"
Why would she stop herself? This would be Kate's sort of roundabout way of saying she intended to stab the bear. Better she "give" her happy dagger a children's toy rather than the flesh of man, but still not the kind of behavior you'd want people gossiping about.
- "Thank you, I'll give that to my dumpster!"
Why would she stop herself? RUDE.
- "Thank you, I'll give that to my dick!"
Why would she stop herself? RUDE. Also OFFENSIVE and CONFUSINGLY PORNOGRAPHIC.
- "Thank you, I'll give that to my dragon!"
Why would she stop herself? Obviously, if Kate Middleton is keeping a dragon as a pet, that would be a big scandal as dragons are dangerous and difficult (though not impossible) to train. That's not the sort of thing you want to accidentally blab to some 67-year-old stranger.
Given the possibilities, it's pretty clear that Kate's verbal diarrhea is no indication she's having a girl.