New Drink Regulations Force New Yorkers to Confront Essential Toxicity of Their Caffeinated Syrup BeveragesS

New York City's ban on the sale of sugary drinks goes into effect on Tuesday, and The New York Times would have you believe "coffee drinkers... are likely to face a thicket of complications." This is wrong. Coffee drinkers—people who drink actual coffee in appropriate amounts—will be fine. Others—people who drink enormous buckets of caffeinated syrup—are likely to be inconvenienced.

Here's the only sentence that matters to coffee drinkers: "As with other sugary drinks, coffee cups 16 ounces or smaller are unaffected." This is literally the only thing you need to know, if you drink coffee. Nothing changes for you! The "thicket of complications" is only faced by people who drink coffee in cup sizes over 16 ounces, which is a mistake that leads to drinking at least four ounces of cold sludge at the end, and people who drink beverages that are not coffee:

But unlike sodas, which will max out at 16 ounces, cups of coffee larger than 16 ounces can still be served as long as the barista adds no more than three to five packets of sugar. (The limit depends on the size of the drink.) [...]

Dunkin' has tried to reduce the inevitable confusion by handing out small fliers at cash registers. Titled "New N.Y.C. Regulations — What They Mean for You," the fliers explain that while lattes and small coffees are protected, drinks like hot chocolate, frozen Coolattas and larger coffees will be downsized or desugared.

And this is a good thing! The point of the new drink regulations is to make people stop and think about what they are guzzling; so, now, people will need to stop and think about what they're guzzling. "Dunkaccinos" and "Coolatas" are not coffees. Now that difference is made clear. You are still allowed fill your drink-bucket with sugar, or get 32 ounces of hot chocolate, if you need to. It's just that you now have to pass through a "thicket of complications" before drinking your caffeinated corn syrup, or grabbing that sixth packet of Domino.

Or you could just order a normal-sized coffee from a cart. It might actually be good for you!

[NYT]