Stores That Sell Nothing Are the New Stores That Sell SomethingS

In the olden days, if you wanted to buy some pants, you'd go to the clothing store (which was the same as the hardware store, and the pharmacy) and pick out some god damn pants, and buy them, and take them home. Now, thanks to wonders of technology, we live in a time when it is possible to go to the clothing store, pick out some god damn pants, and not buy them, because sir—sir?—I'm afraid those aren't for sale.

Whose fault is this? It is the fault of you, the consumer. You greedy, selfish bastard. All of you people have spent years going into retail stores, checking out all the merchandise, buying nothing, and going back home to order that shit online somewhere else. No wonder that retailers are responding by opening tiny ass stores where you can't buy anything, anyhow. Take that you, the consumer.

USA Today reports
that Bonobos, seller of wack menswear, is opening "guideshops," which are kind of like "shops," except for the fact that after you try on the clothes and find just what you want, you have to order that shit on Bonobos.com and wait a couple of days for it to be delivered to your house. In fairness to Bonobos, I cannot think of any reason that a man would need some mustard yellow chinos right this moment. He should be able to wait a couple of days. The only rational thing to do with them is to toss them directly into the trash, so the slight delay should not impact the final customer satisfaction all that much.

This style of shopping means lower costs for the retailer and for you, the consumer, so it will soon be everywhere. The only downside is that a single shoplifter can now shut down an entire Bonobos guideshop in one visit. Or perhaps that's an upside.

[USAT. The real story here is the unmistakable joy of USA Today reporter Oliver St. John in the accompanying video—he can't stop smiling about the fact that he is trying on Bonobos! Love this guy. He is the Roger Clark of USA Today.]