Every year on the first day of spring, Rita's Italian Ice celebrates Persephone's joyous homecoming by hosting a hedonistic pagan orgy of flavors and colors and temperatures inside everyone's mouths. Right now, it's a balmy 34° degrees in New York, which can only mean one thing: spring has sprung. TIME TO GET FREE RITA'S.

From noon to 9 p.m. Wednesday, all Rita's locations will be giving away free Italian ices to every customer. "Your money's no good here!" the cashiers will laugh, as they set your wallet ablaze in a truly psychotic display. For God knows what reason, the ices Rita's gives away are FULL-SIZED, which means you'll get, like, 70% more Italian ice than could ever need or want. If that weren't enough, every ice is served in a "limited-edition First Day of Spring cup." How do you even turn a profit, Rita's? You must be in it for love!

*Free Food Bonus Round*
If you live in New York City or Paris, congrats on your internship at Runway—a million girls would kill for that job. It's also FREE MACARON DAY/JOUR DU MACARON in these places, which means if you march into any participating macaronerie and scream "I'M HERE FOR THE FREE MACARON I AM GODDAMN OWED," they must give you one. (You actually have to say "I'm here for Macaron Day NYC," which is a little embarrassing but not as demeaning as the time a Comcast rep made me say "I love Comcast" over the phone in exchange for free HBO. Never apologize for yourself!)

Proceeds from New York's Macaron Day benefit the City Harvest charity, which is unfortunate since the day is structured around a business model that consists of giving away product for free. Enjoy your $0 giant novelty check, City Harvest. (I guess they're hoping you'll buy some macarons in addition to taking all your free ones? A scheme only a Frenchman could have dreamed up.)

[Image via AP]