In socialist Europe, where the hard work and financial innovation of bankers is not as appreciated as it is here, times are tough: bankers have just had their bonuses limited by law. How to deal with this new, slightly less opulent reality? An unintentionally hilarious listicle is here to help.
The real website eFinancialCareers, a sort of Mediabistro for finance types, has published an early candidate for Best Service Journalism Story Ever Published in Earth's Long History, entitled "Twenty money-saving tips from bankers and their wives." And their wives. "Both bankers and their once free-spending wives are suddenly becoming familiar with the art of thriftiness," we're told. Oh ho! Please enjoy just a few of the money-saving ideas you may not have even considered. They're not just for bankers.
5. Change your travel habits
Eli Lederman, a former managing director at Morgan Stanley who has reinvented himself as an author, said he's ditched business class flights. "I still go to New York five or six times per year, but now I forego business class to travel in premium economy," he said.
On your half dozen annual international flights, why not try the premium section slightly below first class? If you pack your foie gras at home, you'll barely notice the difference.
6. Start ironing
This may sound like a small thing, but while they're working most bankers do not iron their own shirts...
"The wife is doing the ironing," another banker told us. "She's not loving it, but she doesn't want to get a job herself so is having to accept it."
(Good way for the wives to pitch in!)
7. Don't carry so much cash
The more money you have in your pocket, the more you will want to spend it. "Stop carrying a wedge of cash around with you," said the ex-Goldman banker. "It reduces the temptation to tip people so much."
Tips for lowly service workers should be the first place you cut back.
9. Stop skiing, or ski more cheaply
11. Sell the second home
Anecdotally, this isn't happening much yet – but it could start happening soon.
Jesus. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.