Prince William Is Quitting His Job, Which Means the Poor Royal Baby Will Have Two Unemployed Parents

Poor Kate Middleton. A couple years ago, she married a guy she met in college and thought her life was really on track. She quit her job as an assistant buyer for Party Pieces ("What a great piece to have at a party. We'll take three, please.") because her husband said he could support their family on his pilot's salary. She got herself a dog so she'd have someone to keep her company while he was away, in the sky. She began purchasing armfuls of miniature hats to give her life whimsy.

Now Kate Middleton is five months pregnant and her scrub of a husband is going to leave his job. Who's going to support this family? Is Kate Middleton, big and pregnant, going to get a job? Is the baby going to get a job? Where is he going to find a briefcase that is small enough to fit in his hands and yet still functional?

Us Weekly reports that Prince William plans to announce his retirement from the Royal Air Force's Search and Rescue Force within the next month and formally leave when his current tour ends this summer. The couple's first child is due in July.

(The Prince's decision was likely prompted by an announcement earlier this week that the management of Britain's search and rescue helicopter forces was being transferred from the Royal Air Force to a private Texas-based company.)

It's unclear at this time what William will do once he leaves his job as a rescue pilot. He could tend bar ("pub") for a little while, just until he figures things out. Maybe work as a hostess at one of London's high-end or mid-level restaurants.

Us Weekly quotes a source as saying Kate Middleton is "working away on a photo project that she's not telling anyone about yet," which probably means she's finally figured out how to get Instagram on her phone. ("Look, William—my hand cupping a sunset but like in old times.") We wish her lots of luck with that and hope to God there is money in it.

On March 15 the couple were spotted at a horse racetrack, no doubt wagering the last of William's paychecks on "a sure thing."

Hopefully this baby will have some ideas about how to make money.

[Us // Reuters // Image via Getty]