Our hate mail this week was rarely related to the content of our articles, but rather, they included a variety of suggestions (impudent, demanding or otherwise) to improve the consumer experience. There was also a royal 'we' user, a confused order for oil, inquiries about divorce, a weirdly concerned uncle or aunt, and confirmation that we are a definitely NOT invited to the White House. Read them all below.

How do you know that we are not invited to the White House, huh?

Subject: If You got an invitation appearing to be From the White House -From my stolen Identity-Please Forward to me
or send to Governor Cuomo of NY-They were fraud
Thank you.

While we do write on the internet, we do not actually provide an internet search function via email. Try this.

Subject: Edmund Andrews and Patricia Barriera
Body: Is it true that they are divorced? And if so, why wasn't there a party to gloat about it?

Again, while we are located on the internet, we cannot sell you things.

Subject: order
Body: Hello there
Hi my name is James and i will like to make a purchase of Oil Machine please send me the types you carry and their respective price list and also advice if you accept credit card as form of payment.
Thank you

I think you did it! On your first try! Congratulations.

Subject: jim
Body: How do we leave anonymous tips?

This representative of the grammar police is also royal "we" user. The writer must be a real treat to all who are lucky enough to make "their" acquaintance.

Subject: Typo
Body: Things we love. . . Which brings us TO. . . Not TOO.
; )

This person is both primarily concerned with the troubles using LinkedIn, but also the sort to use The Brady Bunch theme as their first point of reference. [Edited for length]

Subject: Are you doing this 1 little thing that'll land you in a big LinkedIn pitfall?
**I feel like singing the Brady bunch opener...**
...so all together now, ♫♫ "Here's the story…of a man
named Brady…" ♫♫ because this really did happen to my
client, whose first name I will leave out to protect the unemployed,
but who does happen to be a Mr. Brady.
Mr. Brady's most recent role was Chief Operating Officer of six
manufacturing plants across three states. His salary package was in
the mid-$300s. He needed professional guidance on how to land his next
big job. One of the key components of that was building his brand on
LinkedIn, and making sure his profile was optimized to rise to the top
of the rankings.
**But oh, no, he said. **
He's already in the top 1% of all influencers on LinkedIn. His profile
views were in the double digits every day. Great. But in my best Dr.
Phil voice, I asked, "How's that working for you?" The
response was deafening silence.

Well your involvement in whether your twelve-year-old niece uses the "morning-after" pill makes lots of sense.

Subject: So my 12-year-old niece can get "morning-after" pill, but needs parental permission for aspirin at school?
Body: A federal judge has ruled that the FDA must make the "morning-after" pill available to girls and women of all ages with no age-restrictions and with no prescription required (link below). So my 12-year-old niece will be able to get the "morning-after" pill whenever and wherever she wants, but in order for her school to give her an aspirin if she has a headache, parental permission is required. So my 12-year-old neice's school will be able to give her the "morning-after" pill without any parental consent or notification, whatsoever, but in order to give her an aspirin for a headache, they must have parental permission. Does that make any sense, at all?

And finally, some suggestions about how to improve the user experience:

Subject: Commenting system
Body: As a result of experience with a variety of different types of commenting systems, I think lessons have been learned.
This new system on Gawker Media wherein the comments that generate the most responses automatically rise to the top regardless of the majority opinion of it's worthiness usually means that trolls get the most attention, and as a result, I've begun avoiding the Gawker/Jezebel/Etc. Not too long ago, imgur also changed their comment system and their new system has really improved my enjoyment of their site. The ability of people to "upvote" the best comments means that I'm actually more eager to read the top comment than I am about seeing the actual photos! If Gawker Media's commenting system were altered so that people could still vent their spleens at trolls - because let's be honest with ourselves, it's never going to be any other way - and those trolling comments could still fall to the bottom of the list as a result of downvoting, then the quality of dialogue will surely improve, as will people's willingness to bother engaging in conversation. The upvoting system encouraging people to use their intelligence and their wit. You could reap the benefits of your wittiest and most intelligent commenters as an added benefit to your readers, which will help you. I know that it would make me a more devoted fan.
Thank you for listening.

Subject: Your site is broken
Body: Can't scroll the page, keep getting this error before my browser freezes. goodby.
"A script on this page may be busy, or it may have stopped responding. You can stop the script now, open the script in the debugger, or let the script continue.

Subject: Animated GIFs
Body: I'm hoping you will consider removing a majority (if not all) of the animated gifs on your website. It's bad enough with one, but the more there are, the more difficult the page becomes to read. Trying to ignore the movement while reading the website is difficult and makes my eyes hurt.
It was novel at first but quickly became tedious.
Other than that, I enjoy your website.

Have a great weekend, all.