Across the course of history, French discoveries have proved invaluable to the field of science. Children still learn the stories of Louis Pasteur, who discovered that invisibly small bacteria spoil food and cause disease, and Marie Curie, who found and named the unseen power of radioactivity. Now there's one more name to add to the list of geniuses upending the world's assumptions: Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, who has declared that bras make women's boobs saggy.
Rouillon, who teaches at the Franche-Comté University in Besançon, was recently interviewed by France Info about the results of an in-depth 15-year titty study. Through observations running back to 1997, he claims to have discovered that women who wear bras, a garment intended to defy gravity, actually have saggier boobs than women who don't.
"Medically, physiologically, anatomically—the breast derives no benefit from being denied gravity. On the contrary, it becomes saggier with a bra."
For the study, Rouillon, whose background is in sports medicine, tracked the breast developments of 330 women, aged 18 to 35, more carefully than a 13-year-old boy tracks the breast developments of the girls in his Social Studies class. Now he's ready to tell the world: bras are bad and boobs are good.
"Capucine," a perky 28-year-old who participated in the study, sung the praises of Rouillon's findings.
"I breathe more easily, I have better posture, and I have less back pain."
Rouillon stressed that the study was preliminary and that his subjects were not representative of the overall population of the world. (They were probably more effervescent and chic than the average woman, with a coyer smile and lot more sexy secrets. "Bonjour! No bra today! C'est la vie! Champagne for breakfast! Put on a striped t-shirt and go for a bike ride!")
As for hard numbers, Rouillon found that the nipples of his manic pixie French girls "lifted an average of seven millimeters per year in relation to the shoulders," if they didn't wear a bra. A shrug, a wink, and right up they float. Carefree nipples rising ever skyward. C'est beau. C'est boob. C'est si bon.
But faites attention, mes amis! Rouillon warns that a bouncing braless existence isn't for everyone.
"It all depends on the structure of each breast. An overweight, 45-year-old woman with three kids has no business not wearing a bra."
In summary: Don't wear a bra (HOT LADIES ONLY).
Liberté. Egalité. Jubblié.