Freedom of Information Act Does Not Apply to Beyoncé; Beyoncé Is Her Own Government

Remember this past January when America was gripped by the saga of Did-Beyoncé-Lip-Synch-at-the-Presidential-Inauguration?

Beyoncé sang live. Actually, she lip-synched. Actually, it was live and she lip-synched. Actually, she just lip-synched. Actually, life is a lie and Beyoncé is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, for ever and ever, amen.

Every evening, families would gather around their radios (there was no TV back then) and listen in for the latest installment of the Beytrayal series. It was frustrating and invigorating and engaging and confusing. It was everything.

In the midst of the muddle, MuckRock's Michael Morisy appealed to the highest authority he could think of (apart from Beyoncé) for answers: The United States government. He filed a Freedom of Information Act public records request for "a copy of the backing track used during Beyoncé's Inauguration performance, as well as copies of other backing tracks created in preparation for Inauguration events, whether or not they were actually used."

Three months later, he's just heard back.

Beyoncé access: DENIED.

In response to Morisy's request, the Marine Corps provided 36 instrumental tracks (two CDs' worth of jams) created in preparation for the Inauguration. It did not provide the backing track to which Beyoncé so movingly lip-synched, because her voice does not belong to the American people, or any of their governing bodies.

Please note that Ms. Beyoncé Knowles-Carter's vocals/music do not belong to the Marine Corps.

It belongs to a sea witch! She traded it in exchange for becoming human!

Just kidding. It belongs to her lawyer.

Therefore, you will have to send your request directly tot Ms. Knowles-Carter's attorney

Throwing a handful of poisoned sprinkles on top of an already unsatisfying sundae, the Marine Corps also cautioned MuckRock that, although the sound of the Marine Corps band is in the public domain, some of the musical selections themselves (like everyone's favorite chartopper "Liberty Fanfare") are still under copyright. So they can't even post those.

Meanwhile, as ever, Beyoncé dances just out of frame.

Safely out of reach of the long arm of the law.

[MuckRock // Image via AP]