Meet the Wankers Who Want to be Britain’s Prime Minister

Tomorrow, the citizenry of the United Kingdom will cast their votes in a general election. If you’re an American, you may have been too busy tenderly rubbing your genitals on a gun to have read much about this. Who’s fighting to lead this grey and unpleasant land onward into its inevitable irrelevancy? And how do we… » 5/06/15 11:40am 24 minutes ago

Anti-Fur Activists Surprise a Beaming Kim Kardashian by Screaming at Her

On Tuesday afternoon, selfie queen and alleged animal murderer Kim Kardashian graced a New York City Barnes & Noble with her esteemed presence, in order to sign copies of her new book of vanities, Selfish. While the line began forming on Monday night, that didn’t stop several animal activists from patiently waiting… » 5/06/15 11:26am 38 minutes ago

Family Held Hostage Rescued by Mother's Pizza Order: "Get 911 to Me"

Highlands County, Fla., police were able to rescue a mother and her three children allegedly being held hostage by her knife-wielding boyfriend after the woman made a Pizza Hut order online for one large, hand-tossed pepperoni pizza with special instructions to “Please help. Get 911 to me.” » 5/06/15 11:10am 54 minutes ago

Is BuzzFeed Deleting Its “Real Journalism” Articles, Too?

In late 2012, the morning after the second presidential debate, BuzzFeed published an article titled “The Debate Romney Won,” which floated the Romney campaign’s theory that the Republican candidate “came out on top — horserace analysis be damned” in the October 16 debate. The piece is mostly notable for the decision… » 5/06/15 11:07am 57 minutes ago

Dismemberment Plan Songs Taylor Swift Should Cover on Her 1989 Tour,…

On the surface, Washington D.C. indie rock band The Dismemberment Plan and Wyomissing, Pennsylvania pop singer Taylor Swift, who just kicked off her 1989 world tour in Japan, have little in common, just kidding. They have a lot in common on the surface: they’re very white, cute, non-threatening, and they seem fun, but… » 5/06/15 9:54am Today 9:54am

Robin Thicke Made Out With a 20-Year-Old On a Plane AHHH Call the Cops

Page Six reports that “Blurred Lines” singer Robin Thicke, 38, was “making out” with his 20-year-old “girlfriend” on a red-eye from LAX to the Caribbean last week. “He was standing in the aisle as people boarded, leaning over to make out with her,” a source claims. Hmm. Why did no one call the cops? » 5/06/15 9:26am Today 9:26am

America's Oldest Living Veteran Still Alive, Still Drinking Whiskey

America’s oldest living veteran—who, if I may speak freely, I truly love—just threw himself a “Mighty Fine at 109” party replete with burgers, cake and whiskey. I can only assume my invitation was lost in the mail and look forward to attending next year’s event. » 5/05/15 11:30pm Yesterday 11:30pm

D.A. Who Failed to Indict Eric Garner's Killer Elected to Congress

Staten Island district attorney Daniel Donovan has won a special election for the house seat left open by disgraced congressman Michael Grimm, who pled guilty to felony tax evasion in December, The New York Times reports. Donovan is the same D.A. whose office failed last year to secure an indictment for Daniel… » 5/05/15 11:05pm Yesterday 11:05pm

Yet Another Walking Dead Actor Arrested for Drunk Driving in Georgia

This weekend Peachtree City police nabbed a Walking Dead star for driving drunk near the Georgia town where the AMC show films. And if you’re thinking you’ve read this story before, you have: it’s the second time an actor from the show has been arrested for a DUI in that county. » 5/05/15 9:45pm Yesterday 9:45pm